People never forget how you make them feel

Maya Angelou, a wise woman with a kind and generous heart once said: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How true that is if you think about it. We spend so much time carefully choosing our words in conversation and in letters, but it is the way that people feel when we communicate with them that they remember. Have we made them feel loved, appreciated and cherished?

In the long run do people remember our accomplishments, the honors we have received, the places that we have been? Or do they remember the time we spent together sitting on the end of the dock with our feet in the water just being together and being friends who love each other? Or the times we simply sat in the kitchen sharing a pot of tea when they just needed someone to talk to.

I'd like to think that I remember this, but I know I forget as the days march on like litle pebbles falling out of my hand. I forget to show those that I love how much I love them by making something special that they like to eat, or making a pot of tea, or even just coming home with a package of gum.

"I'm home and I have a present for you," I say brightly as I come in the back door.

It's just a pack of gum but it says I thought about you and I do love you so much. My Dad used to do that all the time. How I miss that now that he is gone. I miss that, and driving down the highway together singing "Skinny marink a dink a dink, skinny marink a doo....I love you." You never forget times like that. Never.

Self-fullfilling prophecies

The trouble with calling everyone out for racisim is that it becomes self-fullfilling.  If you see racism in everything others think and say, it engraves it in stone. 

When you are raising children, telling them that they are good children, that they are thoughtful and polite helps to reinforce that behavior.  You know the old teacher's maxim..."Catch them when they are being good and reinforce that."  The opposite is also true.  If you tell children that they are bad, disrespectful, and thoughtless, that is what you will get from them.  They will live up to your expectations...what ever they are.

Now former President Carter says he sees racisim in criticism of President Obama.  Is that true?  Certainly there are those who harbor a racist animosity towards Obama, but is that true of all who criticize Obama's policies?  I think not. 

Obama is trying to move the country rapidly towards social change, and it is change that many do not feel comfortable with.  Dissent is a high form of patriotism, and the motives of those who dissent should not be impugned.  Carter projecting racist fears and motives on all who criticize Obama's policies is a political ploy aimed at suppressing dissent and changing the subject.  He owes this country a higher level of political discourse than that. 

Our deepest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."     - Nelson Mandela

Some quotes I like

"The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."        A favorite quote that my Father liked, but I do not know who the author is.

"All despair is fundamentally a despair of being ourselves."  -- Soren Kierkegaard

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way." -- Victor E. Frankel

A Song for Will

To William, the brave, who loves beautiful colors, interesting stories,

Bright colored birds, video games, paintings by Van Gogh,

Starry starry nights, music for dancing, and dreams of things that will be.

Brave he is...oh yes....brave of heart....brave in his efforts to overcome.

Quick he is....youbetcha......quick to learn the most difficult things.

Figures out how to put things together....solves puzzles in a flash.

Daring he is...dares to care...dares to listen....dares to dream.

Listens when you are hurting....listens well.

Says things that help you heal....gives love a chance.

William is one of God's special angels.

Grounded in faith....Supported by love.

Photos of the surface of Mars

The erie beauty of these photos of the surface of Mars is astonishing. Not the usual brown pebbles or grey ash, but bright with color, and ....if you can imagine it... maybe even life.

The colors are both subtle and bold. The shapes of the land forms give dimension and depth. The composition flows beautifully, shaped by the hand of God.

Mars goes Hollywood

A rainbow of hot intense colors on a dead planet.

How did these colors come to be there?

What force made the tracks on the lower right corner?

Dogs

“God invented dogs to give us the uncompromising love that human beings need...we in turn give them the same kind of love,” - Steny Hoyer

When I am feeling battered by the world, our dogs climb into my lap and give me so much doggie love that I forget about whatever was making me feel down. A little doggie kiss on my arm, my hand, and then they lie on my body as if I was a couch....no, a throne....and they of course reign over all. How did I ever get along without them?

Billy is a big 17 pound Pekingese with a black face and beautiful dark eyes. Strong but tenderhearted, at 3 years of age he is the baby of the pair. He grew too big to be a show dog. Now he is a lapdog and he loves it.

Pumpkin is a tiny little guy, only 9 pounds of Pekingese but at 6 years of age he is very much the boss. He tells Billy what to do, and Billy says, "Okay, whatever you say. You need the big bed because you are the big dog. That's fine, I'll sleep in the little bed. I almost fit. I think I like it that way." They welcome everyone to the house, no questions asked. Guard dogs they are not. Loved to distraction is what they are.

Clouds, clouds, clouds

I've always been fascinated by clouds. When you are up in an airplane looking down on them they look soft until you fly into them, then they are kind of scary. I'm always glad when we break through them and can see the ground again.

Around sunset, the clouds take on a life of their own. When the girls were little, going down to the outlet of the Platte River in Northern Michigan to see the sunset was something we loved to do.

First the clouds would be very colorful, then slowly they would become darker and darker until the sun finally sank beneath the horizon. Then the mosquitos would attack in force...but that is another story.

Storm Clouds over Northern Michigan

Forgiveness

Roberto Assagioli said "Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." So sad...but so true. It takes a strong centered loving person to forgive, to understand that in forgiving I lift the burden of resentment off of my own shoulders. Forgiveness begins when I can remember those who hurt me in some way and wish good things for them.

In Obama's eulogy for Kennedy he said, "We should live our lives ..with purpose, love, and joy. Show those we love that we care about them. Treat others with kindness and respect." Yes, I try to do that always. I do not always succeed. Maybe I should need start by forgiving myself.

That is a good place to start.

Welcome to family and friends

Hi. If you are checking out my blog for the first time....thank you for your visit and welcome you are. I am trying to keep up with this new way of connecting with the world.

At first I thought that Facebook and MySpace were mainly for kids in high school. Now I realize that people of all ages are using these sites to keep in touch with people they love, but don't have an opportunity to see very often. That is a beautiful thing.

Oh yes...I need to explain the name Dede. When I was a little girl, that was my nickname. I liked the name, never really like the name Helen. When I was in therapy trying to get my head on a bit straighter, the Dede from my past helped me fix the Helen in my present. So I am grateful to Dede. You may find that strange, but for me it is a good thing. So call me Helen, Dede, Mom, Nana, Jama, Friend, or "Faucet Eyes".....whatever you like is fine with me.

May good things happen in your life today.

Zotchy Bathrooms

Watching the latest in bathroom renovations on HGTV and the astronomical prices...$40,000 to upgrade. In these declining real estate markets, there is no way these people will get much of a return on their investment. Luxury...oh yes. Marble floors with radiant heat, recessed lighting, programmed shower stalls, aroma therapy...the works.

But I remember my grandmother's bathroom with a big claw foot tub that you could sink into and disappear. Bubble, bubble. The floor was linoleum, and the wrath of Nana descended on anyone who spilled water on the floor. From a little window there you could see the roses spilling over the arbor and the Bachelor Buttons making a swath of blue along the garden wall. It was simple, it was shining clean, it was home, it was perfect.

When they show those fancy bathrooms, they never mention any roses climbing over the arbor just outside the windows, or pine trees that sway in the wind, or the rain falling softly on the window panes. But that is what I remember best...the sweet sweet smell of the roses and the pines.

Cocktail party conversation

Malcolm Gladwell has written several books that make interesting cocktail party conversation...Blink...The Tipping Point... and The Outliers. They are an easy read and some of his observations will make you think in a new way about how we learn, how we react to new events, how we judge things we look at, and how we excel. Being in the right place at the right time with the right kind of opportunity tips the scale in your favor. It also helps to be brilliant, driven, and obsessed. 10,000 hours of practice...10,000 hours. That's what it takes to become a Mozart, an Einstein or a Bill Gates. Pass me the chocolate...I need a nap.

Morning is broken, seriously!

Another chilly day in Michigan with the rain falling softly on the garden. The painter calls to say he will not come today. No surprise. The dogs say, "We are not going out there in the rain. Have you lost your mind"? I get another cup of coffee, decide to wait to buy any more stock, and pin my hopes on a late day rally.